Sad news from my heart to yours

I am no longer pregnant. I write these words and am smiling with tears in my eyes and am able to say that this child was not for me. There is another soul out there for me, waiting. And so, I will live, love, be a good wife and mother, teach, write and smile. For I know, that I am merely one of so many women who sadly know the feeling of excitement and then loss in the form of a miscarriage. I thank God that it was merely the fifth week in and not four or five months down the road.
So, don't shed too many tears for me, remember, I am blessed and so are Kevin and Heather. We are a unique family who love each other for who we are, no strings. Kevin and I are equals who rejoice in each other's triumphs and hold each other when we just need to be held. I wish for all of you this kind of love that needs no words.
I know that I am suppose to be "bed bound," but after I found out I wasn't pregnant anymore, I knew that I needed to focus on Heather, my first true miracle. We bought some silly string and had a wonderful silly string fight in the front yard when Daddy Kevin got home. (And don't worry, the rest of the time I have been in bed, my doctor said to stay in bed until Friday). I just needed to laugh with my daughter and husband and feel the outside crisp cool air. I needed to feel the warmth of our love found in those fun spirals of colored string and smile once again. So, I will survive. I will listen to my doctor and I will write and remember all of the voices of the many women who have not been heard in the many pregnancy and new mother books that are out there. The voices of the women who have felt loss, have cried and lost a shred of their souls, and in many instances, lost again. For you I will write and smile and laugh and wish us all a happy world filled with love, laughter, smiles galore and babies, adorable and healthy babies.

Happy cooking and fun to boot!

Today has been a day of laundry, dishes and cooking for days! I cooked kale, asparagus, tabooli and a fabulous couscous stir fry. After all of this was done, I read, watched Food Network and cut up veggies and fruit for the week. Sundays are always my day to cook for the week, clean and write. So, here I am doing just that.
Yesterday, we went to Applefest and had a good time. Upon arrival, I looked around me to see tons of people, some of them my students and fellow teachers. The items for sale were the usual, crafty stuff. I was fine and having fun until I walked through the food vendors row. The smell of pig wafted into my nostrils---not good. So, I found one of the smells that makes me nauseous! I avoided the "food row" and retreated back to more crafts. We met up with Doug and Mattie and walked around to the various vendors. As I have previously expressed, I'm not really that big into fairs and festivals unless there is artwork and ceramics there. I don't like fair food and am not all that into being anywhere where there are a bazillion people.
After the Applefest festivities, we went to the dollar store to get contraband for the movies! Then, we met Kellee, Aiden and Gabe at the movie theatre and saw "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and it was tons of fun! Another stellar night filled with laughter, popcorn and friends.
So, today, I will continue to write without distraction, or try to write without distraction. All for now!

It is a lovely rainy day from the land of pregnancy books and fun!

I have been nauseous all week. Thus is the life of this thirty something mom. I would put up with just about anything if the end result was a happy healthy child. I sit hear typing and looking at my six year old in front of me. She has actually poured over a baby name book so much that she has claimed it for her own. Heather has started a list of names. The funny part is that she is going through them alphabetically. Too cute! She is so excited about having a little brother or sister.
Yesterday was too funny. I had purchased a jar of pickles as a joke the other day---a small jar of baby kosher pickles. The funny part is that, yesterday, I ate the whole thing. Heather helped with only two of the pickles...talk about a walking cliche'. I then text Keller to find out that she has eaten her way through five jars of pickles as she is due April 10th. So, we are the pregnant, the hungry for whatever minerals we are missing, the amusing and the nauseous. Such is life and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Big news, big news!

Hello from the land of this happy go lucky English teaching, grammar preaching, book reading mom! This week has been a wild ride of a week and then some! After months of trying to get pregnant and hoping and praying,...I'm PREGNANT! Complete with saltines, smoothies and nausea, oh my! So, if I didn't get a chance to call you yet, I am sorry, but I have been very busy and my blog is wonderful for sharing news and happenings in my world.
I have always wanted to have a big family, ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to have four kids and a loving husband. I have always been told what a wonderful mom I would make and, finally, after much discussion with Linn, (my first husband) he decided that he wanted an heir. I was lucky enough to have Heather, but that was all the children he wanted. I thought that Heather was all I was going to have...and now, I am blessed once again. The idea that I could have another and that life is as good as it is is staggering to me. I love my life, I love my daughter, I love my husband and my child...to be.

This is why I teach

So, I realize it has been a few days since my last blog, but it has been a good few days. Yesterday I had three students stop by my classroom---three old students. Two that are at the career center and one that I haven't seen for several years---Sean. Sean was that kid that most people gave up on and I never would. I promised myself that I would never let any child slip through the cracks and Sean was one of my babies several years ago. My room was his sanctuary and I was his advocate within the school walls. He walked into my room with his wife, Christy, who was his girlfriend while he was in school. He was wearing his army fatigues. I couldn't have been prouder. Here he was, someone who I treated like a son, who I always told to at least get his GED, here he was married and enlisted. He hugged me right away and told me right away that he had indeed gotten his GED. So awesome. Every time I question my teaching and if I make a difference, things like this happen. A child is alive another day, I reach a child that seems impossible to reach or I get to see where they are now. I do love teaching and am blessed that I have a calling. For me, there is more to my calling though. I am suppose to teach, be a mom, be a wife and also be a writer.
Life is good, no complaints, no regrets just smiling, loving, living, teaching and writing.

Bye bye pain! HELLOOOO happy days!

I am so happy to say that I merely hurt my back and that all is well in my world---no MS flare up! Yay! So, I have taken it easy and now am ecstatic! Today was a good day! My students were great today and all went well.
I think that the best part of my day was the moment Heather and I had after she was done with school and we sat under a tree on the property of Louisa Wright. Heather and I sat and talked about her day. We laughed and smiled, had a good time talking and truly connected. It was nice. Life is all about these moments. These wonderful moments where you just listen and laugh and love. I am so lucky to have such an amazing daughter, wonderful life and a good and kind husband. Heather loves school and she loves learning. Who could ask for anything more?
The other wonderful reality is that Heather is going to take violin lessons! My lovely girl, who has wanted to play violin since she was three, is going to learn how to play. I am so happy to be able to do this for her.
Life is such a wild roller coaster ride. One minute, you are smack dab in reality in the form of pain, pain and more pain. The next, relief, happiness and thankfulness galore. I am so lucky to know that I am alive and full of life. Thank you all for being part of my world. A world filled with words said and words heard. Stories told and stories given. I love being the collector of these stories, both mine and others to share with the world...or, sometimes, with no one..

Heating pad, chores and 100 pages baby!

Today was a day filled with chores galore. I did the dishes, laundry, changed and washed the sheets, cooked, washed more dishes and played with Heather along with helped her with her reading and overall homework. She read to me a number of books and we talked about reading fun. We signed her up for Kids Yoga Monday afterschool in October and November and she wants to do Upward Cheerleading again in the winter/spring months. Heather and I looked over her book order and picked several selections and all is well in the land of books. She was so cute. She said, "there are so many to choose from and I love books!" Then, she looked through her American Girl catalog and picked out what she wants for Christmas. I told her that she was going to get just a few presents this year and she is okay with that. She cut out what she wanted from American Girl and labeled it 1 through 5 according to what she wants most---too cute!---then, taped it to some construction paper and it now adorns the fridge. Yes, dare to dream about Christmas in September. That's my girl!
After all of that was done, I took a shower and then settled down to write and write and write some more! All in all, I started on page 83 today and ended up with page 100! 36, 667 words so far! I am ecstatic! I have no doubts and nothing holding me back now. All is well. I am constantly thinking about my characters and boy! It is tons of fun and amazing how, I can go to sleep, think about my characters and then start typing. It is quite unexplainable the feeling you get when you create characters that you know through and through. So, for now, I am doing great and my back still hurts, but I have rested this weekend. I have been in the land of happy heating pad and we shall see how that pays off tomorrow. Who knows what is in store for me and wow...are my fingers tired of typing! It is nice to have them feeling numb because of typing more so than numb because of my MS. What can I say, here comes the week! Watch out Monday, here I come!

It's Saturday and time to relax

Today is my dad and mom's thirty-ninth anniversary. They are in Maine and having a wonderful time, I am sure. I am amazed and happy that they have been together for this long and now, they are actually cuter than ever. So, "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!"
Today, I rested and tried to work out my back, all the while trying to take it slow. Yesterday I walked around with a cane at work and was miserable. I believe that I pulled my back or strained something, not fun. So, resting is my middle name right now. That and spending a wonderful girl day with Heather. We watched girl movies and laughed and smiled together.
Yesterday, I walked the halls with my super cool red wooden cane and my students loved the cane! They were concerned for me, but I was okay. I woke up yesterday in pain, unable to sit up easily or sit down after I got up. I did have a moment of, "should I go to school?" And then realized that I knew the answer. The day was September 11th and no substitute could tell the story of this date better than me to my children. After a hot shower and many tears from the pain, I got dressed and headed off to work.
I went about my day, slower than usual, but I did what I had to do. Second period rolled around and an announcement over the intercom stated that we were going to have a moment of silence, do the pledge of allegiance and then, we were encouraged to talk about this day. Well, after the pledge, I asked my students what they remember from September 11th, 2001. They told me that they were in second, third and fourth grade and most did not remember much in the way of how it affected them. I spoke with them about my memories of the day and how, for so many, it felt like they were watching a movie on TV and not a real event. I talked about the importance of our troops overseas and how blessed I feel to know that so many young men and women are fighting for our freedoms. I spoke of how bad things happen and how important it is to enjoy every moment of your life and tell your loved ones that you love them. How, we may lose our mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, brothers or sisters, but we must live on to honor them. They would not want us to give up, they would have wanted us to be everything we were destined to be. So, at the end of this talk, I cried in front of this class of 23 and I apologized for making some of them cry. My teacher's aide thanked me for coming that day, knowing how much pain I was in and how I felt it was important for me to be there. The rest of the day was good, a hard day due to the pain, but good.
Today, I rest and tomorrow, tomorrow is another day.

Friday eve and all is well

I am tired. I admit it and I won't pretend. I am looking forward to the weekend. I love teaching, I am so good at it, but it zaps my energy. This is my ninth year of teaching and I love it, but this is not my last stop on the career trail. The icing on my cake is my writing and I will write and write my way through the rest of my life. My writing helps my MS because I am constantly thinking and working through my characters. Since my brain is active, I am happy to say that I am doing all things good for my brain. I know that I am a teacher, but part of me wonders how long I can keep teaching due to my level of pain and fatigue. The only person that knows the answer to that is---me. BUT, I am happy to say that I have disability both through STRS and Horace Mann, so whatever happens, I am ready. All for now. Time to sleep.

Is it Friday yet?

I am tired...that pretty much sums it up. My MS is acting up in the form of shooting pain through my limbs, not fun. BUT, I am in good spirits, just tired. I am sitting here typing and watching FOX News for a few minutes. Today, besides teaching, I battled the land of the automated phone calls...not fun. It really seems like our society has turned to automated everything and BOY! Is it frustrating or what?! "Push one for English, push two if you are still listening, push three if you want to talk to a real person, just kidding!" I finally got a real person and they had a thick Indian accent. He shifted me over, supposedly, to customer service and it was another automated service...I called back, he did it again, it was automated---again! Frustration, the land of button pushing and saying short answers into the phone only to be misunderstood...ARRRGHHHH! But, I am focusing on my happy place....happpppy placcceee....happpy...place, ah who am I kidding...stupid automated, stupid service that is impersonal....stupid, stupid, stupid.
Tonight we had our Citizens for Mary L. Cook library meeting and it was successful. A meeting of the minds and trying to come up with ideas on ways to get the word out that we need the community's help and input. So, if anyone is available and from Warren county or Clinton county, meetings are at 7:00pm at the library.
All for now, signing off from this tired and frazzled teacher.

What a day, what a day!

So today was a Tuesday/Monday as I would like to say, because my school week started today and boy! Was I tire or what?! So, I drove in the pea soup fog this morning and could not see a car length ahead, it was that thick! I spilled my coffee, was tire, drove in fog and was grumbly until I arrived at school. Upon entering the building, I had already thought that I needed to have a "do over day" moment as I like to call them, when Cody, one of my babies, called for my attention. I looked at this now Junior and he pulled off his hat. Underneath I saw an old man---he had let one of his friends shave off the top of his head! It was hilarious! He literally was "monk friendly" and I laughed most of the way to my classroom, it was so funny! I taught and taught and then we had a fire drill, oh joy, there was fifteen minutes of class lost and then, we had President Obama's speech, another loss of instructional time. His speech was good, it was just time I needed to keep pace with my classes, that's all.
The end of the day held happy revelations in eleven students who came for the first meeting of the In the Ink Writing Group! They were an eclectic group of girls and boy! Can they write! I thought that our school needed a creative writing group and I am happy to say that I'm right. Several students said that they had been waiting for a writing group to happen at the high school. YAY! Happy teacher moment.
After school and much laughter and listening, I picked up Heather and she told me she got a Bowman Brave award for being the quietest student while they were working in the classroom! I am so proud! After school, we met up with KDad and went to our favorite Chinese Restaurant for dinner and now, we are home and it is almost time for bed. Overall, yesterday was a good day, a day of closure after dread over going, and now, I am fine and happy with a wonderful daughter and a good man I call my husband. I wouldn't change anything that has happened in my life. I have laughed, cried, loved, and lived. No regrets, not one. Life is good.

Ohio Renn Fest and done for the day

Today we went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival and I walked over to the Legacy Forge booth where Linn spent so many years working and playing. I said, "Hello," to a lot of different people and dealt with a few that I was worried about due to my getting remarried and their toxicity, but otherwise, it was a success. We went with Kellee, Ron, Gabe, Aiden, Mattie and Doug. I showed Heather all of the swords and told her how her daddy use to wield the claymore over his head with ease and wave it around like a lightweight sword. I looked at the new swords that Linn would have been striving to own if he had lived to see them.
It was a good day, just hard as always to go back there, but I didn't cry. I teared up, but no tears fell. I really just want to enjoy my life and not think about the Renn Fest as it lost its luster with me a long time ago. It was what took Linn away from me every August through October and then we would inevitably fight in October because of who knows what. Renn Fest would pull him away from me and then, away from Heather. On a nice note, he use to love having Heather stand by the side of the booth and heckle the patrons, "Buy a sword, send me to college" and then if they walked by, "don't worry, I've got time." Heather loved to dress up for the Renn Fest and had a blast there.
But, I am done talking about that. It is time to work on my book. Take care and happy Labor Day to all.

Wow...what a summer!

I just uploaded a number of pictures and have to smile at all of the fun memories from just one summer! From Kentucky to Pennsylvania, from Maine to New Jersey and even New York! I found the best pizza ever made in New Jersey at Dottie and Karen's favorite restaurant, I saw Phantom on Broadway, I got to go to two Tiffany & Co stores and even was able to send Dottie a present from Tiffany & Co direct for her birthday as a present from Kevin, Heather and me. I got to spend loads of time with my family along with I got to know my nephew Oliver. I learned what love is all about in truly getting to know my husband, Kevin. He has shown me a new lease on life and I am so happy to know that he would do anything for me and for Heather. I attended an amazing writer's conference, Antioch Writer's Workshop, where I met so many wonderful people and it was solidified that I am a WRITER and people want to read what I write. I found an agent there who gave me a deadline and thus, I write and know that I will be published someday. And, of course, I got married to my loving husband, Kevin, surrounded by family and friends. This summer, I got to know my family and to know my new family, Kevin's family and adore all of them. It has been a great summer.
Tomorrow, I go to the Renaissance Festival. Every year it rolls around, I can't help to think of my belated husband and how much he loved working at the Renn Fest every single year since it opened up until his passing. Last year, I went to the festival holding my brother-in-laws hand and cried as I neared the booth where Linn worked. I kept thinking how, after the funeral, we went over to that booth and spread some of his ashes in front of it. This year, my daughter will introduce her Kevin Daddy to her Daddy's world. A world of hand forged swords and leather goods. A place where everyone is transformed to the time of the Renaissance, a time long ago. I have such strong feelings every year and thus, yesterday rolled around, the first day of Renn Fest. I loved my husband and he was a good man. He was in the hospital the last weekend of the Renn Fest in October of 2007. He died two days after it closed. Thus, each year is a little hard for me. So, tomorrow, I go to the festival with my new husband and face some adversity due to people who don't understand my world whatsoever and how long "time" is when you are a widow. But, tomorrow, I go with my husband, daughter, my best friend Kellee, her husband and two kids along with two other friends of ours: Doug and Mattie. So, we are going to have a great day and all is well. I don't know how to explain to people how it feels to be me, but, I am OK. I am loved, I just have been through a lot in my thirty-eight years. I love life and know for a fact how easily---it can slip away. So, if you learn anything from my posts, please remember this: always tell those you love that you love them. Never stay angry and don't sweat the small things in life. Love the one your with. The grass may seem greener on the other side, but it is up to you to nurture your own soil and water your world in love and kindness, for love grows like any flower as long as you tend to your loved ones. Don't betray those you love, they are all you've got. Make sure to smile at as many people as you can in a day, you never know, that smile could save a life. One smile could change someones mind and make them realize that you care enough to see them and to smile. Love, live, laugh, for life is for the living and today is going to be another amazing day...embrace it. Thank you for reading.

It's Friday!!!!! FRIDAYYYYYYYYY!

Hello all! I have been a busy bee and buzzing all around my world of school. Between seeing more of my children from the career center to seeing graduates along with attending to my present children too, it has been a great week! My theatre students are so amazing and amusing. They are talented and are having a blast in my classes. I am so excited by what I have seen them do this week! The character sketches were phenomenal!
As for why I have been busy, I have been creating a blog on behalf of the Citizens for Mary L. Cook Library of which I am a part of. If you have a chance, check out the blog!
http://citzensformarylcooklibrary.blogspot.com
What is going on with the Mary L. Cook library is nothing new right now in Ohio and many states beyond ours. The state is not providing the libraries with enough money to run properly, not even enough to run with anything more than a bare bones staff. So, I am trying to do all I can and many other people who love the library are all taking part in this group to help keep the Mary L. Cook library open and eventually thriving, hopefully. So, check out the site and if you are local---visit my favorite library, you will be glad you did.
All for now as I need to spend Friday night party night with my family. Lots of love to all of you!
Signing off for now!

Nate and Tyler, my babies came back!

Well, though my day started with personal essays, it continued with hilarious and awesome monologues that my students created. What a morning! With both second and third period being my theatre classes, I was so happy to be entertained and impressed by the skill of my students. From a granny who preached reading your scriptures to a girl pretending to be a British orphan, my cup runneth over! It was so awesome and amusing, I laughed, I laughed some more and then I sighed. Wow! What talent in one room and to think that this was their first assignment!
My day continued with my student aides finally being able to come to my class and with their addition, my life was perfect. My teacher's aides make the world go round. They are previous students of mine who want to help me however they can and they merely want to be in my world a little longer. The best addition of one of my aides was Jen, who is my third period aide, and she arrived just as Robert was on his knees weeping in character....wooooww...her face said it all! She had to return her add/drop slip to the guidance off and arrived back to my class as Cristy was dancing away in character! Her smile and laughter said it all.
The day continued with more assignments due and more personal essays and letters. I read several and learned more about my new children. What interesting lives they lead!
After all the bells had rung, I looked down the hall to see two of my favorite kids (don't tell) walking towards me. What a treat! Nate and Tyler, smiles on their faces and doubts of me remembering Tyler,...as if! These graduates of 2007 visited with me and told me all about their lives now. I told them what was up with me and they laughed at having to try and call me Mrs. Martin since both of them had always called me "Muz." It was so nice to see the two of them, both wonderful boys, now men...time truly does fly. I hugged them both and rejoiced in their happiness and new worlds that have opened to them. I will see them again soon as they are repeat offenders of revisiting their past. These children growing up, but always coming back...to the world they once knew. My old kids...now...men.