It amazes me how quickly time passes and how sometimes, it feels like forever. Time is so weird and I am constantly amazed that Heather is seven. This summer has been a whirlwind filled with traveling to Kentucky and Pennsylvania along with camps for Heather and Antioch Writer's Workshop for me. It has been fun and hard in some ways, but overall, a good summer.
I go through this thing where I think about my disease and how much I truly hate giving myself shots. I find myself trying to rationalize not giving myself the shots, but know that they help me through any stresses. I just know that after every shot, I am tired and have overall fatigue versus right before the shot where I feel energy for once and then have to go through the fatigue all over again. I know that this is just a way of life I have to deal with, but feeling like a pin cushion gets old and the red hard splotches on me look horrible and remind me that I have a disease. I have no answer for my feelings except to say, it is what it is....
Between disease and the heat, I cannot wait until it cools off outside. Sometimes I feel like a shut in who is running from the car to the house or the house to the car. It is frustrating, but I deal. I know that it could be worse, but I am truly looking forward to fall, soon it will be here. My favorite time of the year has always been fall and also, it is the hardest time in reflecting on my previous husband passing in October 2007. But, I just think every time October comes my way that we are fine and well and that every single October, while Linn was alive, our neighbors thought the house was condemned due to his working on his Halloween displays starting October 1st. We would have boards over the windows and caution tape throughout the yard, he wouldn't rake the leaves for extra effect and built various monstrosities on the lawn. It was fun and he was like a small child come October wanting to make more displays for our yard. Good times.
Fall is still my favorite time of year filled with leaves that change their color and the reality of what I have been through, the smell of the cool air and the beauty of the trees holding onto their leaves...I look forward to seeing my breath in the cool mornings to come.
