I am exhausted, but happy as can be

     Well, ever since Saturday, I have been at the Antioch Writer's Workshop and having a good time with fellow writers, published and unpublished. It has truly been a good week and tomorrow is the last day. Between time with Crystal Wilkinson to Sigrid Nunez, along with fun with my friends, John and Nancy, I am pleased to say that I learned a great deal about my writing and about myself.
     I am a writer and I have always been a writer. I use humor to cover up tough topics, a typical mechanism for many people. But, the biggest thing I learned is that I do need to write the books about the tough topics, just that I can approach these tough topics through third person. SO, this writer is going to continue to practice her craft and practice and practice and practice. They say that the first million words is just practice, so, I just want to apologize to all the trees that I have killed, I will do my best to leave behind a legacy of good writing.

Heather and the Computer

So, a most amazing thing has transpired this summer! As I was taught by my mother and father, you learn to treasure things more if you must work for them. Well, this is the case with my dear Heather. She has been working since the beginning of June to raise money for a laptop to use for her home schooling. Kevin and I put up a chart and wrote out the overall rules, which were as follows: for every book she read that was around fifty pages, she got a sticker on her chart. Each sticker was worth $1 towards her computer. For every 50 pages she completes in her various summer workbooks, she receives $25 towards her computer and her weekly allowance is $5 if received in hand or $10 in the bank if it goes towards the computer. After she reaches her goal of $250.00, her Kevin Daddy and I will match that $250.00 and purchase a reasonable computer of her choice.
So, what is so amazing about this is that, by her own saving of money, she is only $39 away from her goal! She worked for Kevin several times so far this summer and he said that she was an awesome and driven worker.
So, I truly can say that I owe my parents so much for instilling my work ethic in me that I may now pass down this same work ethic to my daughter and I couldn't be prouder! The best part of this whole experience is that Heather is telling me how much she has and rattling off quickly what she needs to do and how many weeks it will take her to raise the money. She is my little mathematician who wants to be a scientist! So, watch out world! Here comes Heather!

In the land of Cobwebs, I Return!

Hello to all of my wonderful readers! I have been neglectful of my blog, but have been spending time writing privately, so sorry I wasn't sharing. I suppose you might want to give me a bad report card, "does not share well with others." It has been a bumpy roller coaster of this thing I call "life of Jen" and I am so happy to say that I now smile every day. I am retiring from teaching and am merely waiting for the paperwork to go through. The reason for my retiring is due to my MS and the fact that I get very fatigued, sometimes walk with a cane and overall have no life left in me, after teaching 150 students, to share of myself with my family. After nine wonderful years of teaching along with years of being a preschool teacher, youth theatre director and assistant youth theatre directors and teaching students at various schools in the summers, I am ready to teach the most important child---my daughter, Heather. I will be home schooling Heather this fall and look forward to what truly starts every summer in the form of "Camp De Mommy." Between this, spending time with my husband and writing, writing, writing, I am very happy with my choice.
I am happy to say that I am, once again, attending the Antioch Writer's Workshop this week and am so amazed by how wonderful it makes me feel. The experience is truly immeasurable and the time spent with writers is worth so much more than anything else I can imagine. I am blessed to have an understanding husband who allows me to follow my dreams and supports me and my writing in every way. Heather also loves the fact that mommy is a writer!
Tomorrow I embark on the journey of pitching my work to an agent and, once again, I am so excited. The difference between last year and this year is that---I have a book---in hand. No lofty ideas that need to fill a page in the future. I have a project worthy of print. For me, the goal is merely to be consistent, to write daily and to be true to my craft. I wish for no fame, but will do whatever I can to have my voice heard by many. So, I will write and write and please, write me and get on my case. As my friend, as my reader, question me, pester me and ask those lovely words, "So, how's the writing?" I will answer you and I will blog again---often....for nothing stands in my way now.

Another day and more acupuncture

Well, what can I say, today was rough and I am exhausted. The one saving grace of the day was my acupuncturist, Glynda, who made me feel myself again. She truly is a Godsend. So, tired, tired, tired, but spring break is soon to come my way. Between that and Heather being so excited to go to Clinton Massie, I am so happy. I am happy to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That combined with attending Antioch Writer's Workshop for the second year in a row in July truly give me things to look forward to. I love writing and I love being surrounded by like minded writers, It is such a blessing. Well, I will keep this short as it is time to play with my daughter before she has to go to bed. Take care and I will meet you again in the land of the blogs.

So, I have been a neglectful blogger---time to repent:)

It has been a trying school year and I decided to get back in the land of blogging, thus, my voice is once again in "blog form" and can be heard by all of those who know and love me. A great deal has gone on this school year, from a miscarriage to most likely having the swine flu to a debilitating amount of fatigue that won't relinquish its nasty hold on me. A life filled with being tired and medicines that made me itch to trying out acupuncture and feeling a sense of self once more. I am happy in my skin, fatigued, but happy. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life that is just around the corner.
Heather is turning seven on March fourth and I am truly amazed by her. I love everything about her and am so happy to call myself her mother. She is so well behaved and so kind along with being old for her age. I love that she and I are so close and hope to keep that closeness forever if at all possible. The exciting news for Heather is that she is going to attend Clinton Massie School district starting on Monday as this will help me and she will be with all of her friends in the neighborhood and be able to actually sleep in. Kevin will be in charge of getting her on and off the bus and I will be able to go to school without rushing Heather to school and trying not to be late.
So much in my life is happening and sometimes it feels like the world is having fun all around me but I am too tired. Just in case you didn't know, I am actually going to be retiring at the end of the school year under disability. I am very happy with my decision and know that I will finally be able to give of myself to my daughter and husband. I feel that they have truly missed out of the "true me" that only my students get to see. After much thought and realizing that I was too tired to teach and be a good mom, I am proud to say that I will be a stay at home mom, a good wife who helps her husband with his business and a writer. I am going to focus on my family and, if I am lucky, adopt a child. Kevin and I have talked to my doctors and all of them agree that the best thing for me is not to get pregnant due to the possible complications with my MS. But, as a woman who has MS, adoption is feasible. So, with a few prayers and saving my hard earned dollars, Kevin and I hope to adopt sometime in the next few years. People, mainly family, have looked at me and asked me if I truly think I am capable of taking care of another child and my answer is, "yes." I have way too much love in me and am totally capable of being an amazing mother. I have already proved that with Heather. She has turned into such a wonderful young lady.
So, for now, love to all of you and I will get back in gear, but mostly, I am tired and looking forward to summer. My doctors keep telling me that if I need to, just take a day off due to fatigue and even take off a week if I need to. As most of you know, I am a teacher and teachers can't just take a week off due to the children needing consistency. So, thank you for reading and hugs all around. Thank you for sharing in my world.

Idaho, snow and Wyoming to boot!

Hello all family, friends and readers! I am alive and kicking in the land of Idaho! It is snowing buckets right now and we are having loads of fun. We have been here since late on the 22nd and have had a really great time getting to know Kevin's brother, sister-in-law and his niece and nephew, now my niece and nephew. They are so wonderful and we have had fun playing video games, watching movies and going to Wyoming yesterday! During the drive, I saw gorgeous mountains galore and it was so awesome a sight. At one point, I found myself looking up at these mountains and what came to mind was these mountains compared to the concrete jungle of New York City, the high heights of the skyscrapers, made by man, versus these monstrous landscapes sculpted by nature. It was breathtaking and humbling to say the least. We drove to Jackson, Wyoming and traveled in a wagon out to view a huge herd of elk on their elk preserve. The driver of the wagon told us of the elks migration patterns, of how you could tell the age of the elks and the various habits of the males versus the females. It was an amazing sight that I was very thankful to be a part of. Heather sat with a hat covering all of her face, all I could see of her was her eyes. Kevin, Robbie, Orion, Juliana and I were covered with our winter wear, but braving the elements and now, have windburned rosy cheeks. My own personal kiss from nature! I am happily sitting here and watching as the snow falls down and adorns this place called Idaho Falls. It is lovely. The kids are going to go sledding soon and will have more stories to remember their time together. Fun in the snow and New Years is almost here! Maybe Kevin will finally get his cup of hot chocolate that he has been waiting two years for. Yes, New Years is Kevin and my two year anniversary. The day we decided to officially start dating. So, I will enjoy the rest of this snowy trip with my wonderful daughter and husband and feel blessed in knowing that my family gets bigger each time I visit a new family member. It is wonderful. We are looking forward to Orion and/or Juliana visiting us in Ohio in the summer sometime. Life is truly good. Happy Holidays to all!

My book is finished!

Hello one and all! My book is finished! I finished writing it last night and was just amazed at how easy it was! I had closure, I had everything work and my characters were clicking and all was working. It is an amazing feeling to write and just type and words adorn the page and they are actually good!
I have been a writer all of my life, so far, and to actually be able to say, "I wrote a book" is an astounding feeling and it is just so fulfilling. I am at peace with the idea that I have always meant to be a writer. My mom said that before I was able to write, I drew pictures to tell the stories and I have always loved collecting stories since childhood. So, what is even more exciting that all of this is that I beat my deadline of January second and have time to edit properly, write my query letter and then, e-mail my potential agent. No matter what, I can say that I have now joined the ranks of so many and have actually written a book. Of course, what is even more exciting is that there are many people out there that already want to read it! So, to all of my friends and family and blog followers I say, soon, my friends. Soon. For now, I will edit and prepare for the next book. For this is merely the beginning to my journey as Jennifer Martin---the writer.

Life's Interwoven Tapestry

*Written for my Granny---the keeper of memories

Small soft sensations,
felt through vibrations of sound,
reverberations of words
tantalizing the tongue,
dripping forth to tell of memories past.
Snippets of self,
preserved in pictures,
snaps of yesteryear,
framed faces of family
telling so much in a smile.

"Click, click" go the needles,
knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.
Beauty emerges in interwoven wool.
A smile with dentured teeth,
gleans the knowledge of years,
times of toil and pain.
Knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.
More photos turned through,
decades pass between pages,
faded photos, familiar faces.

The keeper of memories,
losing her mental camera.
No longer sharp are the images,
in her mind's eye.
Fuzzy and smudged are the edges
of her internal photographs.
Time is stealing her sight.
So many memories becoming dimmer,
Sadness found in blurry
Glaucoma covered eyes.

Eyes that were once
as sharp as her mind,
now, covered and closing in her world.
Tears adorn the corners of her creased face
and arthritis stifles her fingers
forever dancing through each stitch.
The slow interwoven wool forms
into her creation,
becoming her life's tapestry
with each stitch.
"Click, click" go the needles,
knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.

Hello from the land of writing!

So, why haven't I been blogging, you ask? Well, because I have been writing my book and I have 50,698 words and 152 pages! Yay! What is wonderful about my book is that it is really quite good. I put my writer's hat on and write and then I put on my editor's/English teacher's hat and edit. It is a totally wonderful arrangement. Though I cannot possibly find all of the errors, I am doing a pretty good job of finding many of the errors. So, for now, I write, I love, I live and I laugh. Heather is as wonderful as can be and loving first grade. Kevin is filled with smiles and life is good. My MS is heightened, but better whenever I have a few days off. So, I am looking for to Thanksgiving and family to boot. All for now, just wish me luck in my writing and be prepared to see my name on the shelves of Barnes & Noble someday!

Nothing like a relaxing weekend

Well, after relaxing with friends and family this weekend, I have come to the conclusion that my MS acts up whenever I am just too exhausted, temperature changes and whenever I am stressed. Down time helps me tremendously and Heather says that, "It helps her when she rests." So, I am going to try and take it easy and countdown the days to Thanksgiving and fun in Kentucky. We are going to Idaho for Christmas this year and we are going to have lots of fun with Kevin's family, which is our family now. So, for now, I write, I rest and teach. But most of all, I am a happy mom who has had a great weekend with Heather! We went to see "A Christmas Carol" in 3D! It was awesome! Between that and Chinese food ala bookstore with Aunt Kellee, Uncle Ron, Gabe and Aidin, who could ask for anything more. They were so much fun. So, as for the book. I am done with 127 pages and counting! So, off to bed for now, but all is well.

Hello one and all:). I have missed blogging:)

Hello one and all! I have been sick since October 14th and finally ended my flu-like symptoms on Monday. So, my days have been filled with phlem, sniffling and yuck. But now, I am better! On a serious note, my MS has acted up since I became sick. I have problems walking straight, my hands tingle and sometimes it is a problem holding onto things or even typing if I am tired. I can see fine, but my brain is foggy and my cognitive abilities are also foggy. I went to my regular doctor and have talked to my neurologist as well. I have problems talking in the evenings sometimes and spitting out my words and my energy has been totally zapped. So, yesterday, I started on steroids and Tuesday, I am having another MRI. So, we will see what comes next, but I am sure that I have a new lesion. I am in good spirits and will be just fine. My doctors are amazing and I love dealing with both women---Dr. Allgeyer and Dr. Venkatesh. Dr. Allgeyer was the doctor who helped me to get diagnosed with MS. SHE is the one who recognized my symptoms to be those of MS and recommended me for three MRIs. I have both her and my neurologist, Dr. Venkatesh, to thank because Dr. Allgeyer did her residency with my neurologist.
So, where does that leave me? For now, I am doing fine and looking forward to knowing what is wrong with me and trying to fix it as much as we can. They usually give me steroids through IV drip, not fun, but I can handle it. As mentioned, I am in good spirits, because I am surrounded by an amazing family and friends and will be just fine. Thank you all for reading and I will try to write more often.

I have been tied up in the land of sick...but today, I must write

I have been sick since last Wednesday. It has been a rough time filled with lots of phlem, coughing, cold, fever and more phlem. Sleepless nights and MS symptoms through the roof. I am doing somewhat better. But, all of that aside, today is the two year anniversary of my dear first husband's passing. October has become a rough month for me because October was always Linn's favorite month. He would start decorating for Halloween as of October 1st every year. I remember one year that our neighbors actually thought that our house was condemned or that something was wrong. It was too funny! Linn loved Halloween and was like a kid in a candy store when it came to purchasing new things for his Halloween displays. He loved creating new things for the displays he would put up in our yard and, thanks to him, we attracted sometimes over 300 people on Halloween night. I am hoping that maybe next year, October will be my favorite month again. Ever since Linn's passing, I haven't been able to enjoy October like I use to. Each year, I relive every single day leading up to Linn's death. It is hard and amazing at how much I can recall as if it were yesterday. I loved and still do love my first husband. Thanks to him, I have a beautiful daughter. I know that Linn would be happy with how I am raising her without him and know that he left because he knew that I could and would live on without him. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of him, but it is a good thought and a happy memory, not a dwelling on loosing him. I am happy and proud to say that promised Linn sometime before he died that I would live on if he ever passed away. I promised him that I would be of the living and enjoy my life and be a good mother. I smile, knowing that I am okay and I will continue to be just fine.

Chewed up and spit out...come on three day weekend!

Okay, I haven't written lately because I have been busy and overwhelmed. That and I have a cough and a scratchy throat along with my world of children is filled with sick kids. The land of the H1N1 or regular flu is circling our world like a hawk ready to strike. I just hope that it skips me along with my family, is that so much to ask? We got our flu shots...we, we are good people and we know how to take care of ourselves, (cough, cough...). Awww! Who am I kidding? I will be knocked off me "I'm okay, your okay" pedestal and topple to the clay floor with bucket in hand..."pass the pretzels and saltines and hello bed!" But, for now, I fight off even the IDEA of sickness as best I can. What to do when you teach a bazillion kids everyday and your are surrounded by sick kids? I will live to play another day.
Life has been crazy and it always amazes me how the life of a teacher is always so busy. There seems to be no end to my grading and there are always more demands on us, never less, always more. I do my best everyday, but even I am overwhelmed. And, it's not just me. This is my ninth year of teaching and I have heard from many teacher's my senior that they are overwhelmed too. All I can do is "just keep swimming" in this eternal quagmire I call---life of teacher lady...a.k.a.---me. No matter what, what truly is evident is, I love teaching OR, I wouldn't be putting myself through this day in and day out. I am not there to fill out the abundance of paperwork or do various things online, I am there for the children who depend on me to teach them how to be avid learners. I teach the ones that usually fall through the cracks and without teachers like me, they would merely be wallpaper adorning the wall, blending in, neither seen or heard. I will continue on, but BOY! Friday is looking reallllly good. Come on Friday, come on Friday....time for rest.

Another day, what can I say

Life is getting back to normal. I am back at school and the kids and fellow teachers have been great. I am tired, but happy and had a great two days back, so far.
Heather and I have missed Kevin terribly as he has been at the quarter horse congress since Friday. Well, he called me this afternoon and sounded suspicious. I had a feeling that I soon confirmed---he had come home to spend the night with us. Heather fell asleep in the car and then Kevin ran on out to carry her in. It was wonderful for Heather to wake up and have her Kevin Daddy there! We then went out for Mexican food and had fun just being together and thinking of when this would all be done. I love that Kevin has time for us in the fall, but the quarter horse congress is my least favorite event due to the amount of time it takes away from us as a family. I will survive and we are use to it by now, but that doesn't mean we have to like it. So, all is well and I am tired. I will write more another day and Kevin will be on his way back to Columbus. Woe is us, but at least we got to see him for awhile. Happy, happy day!

Sad news from my heart to yours

I am no longer pregnant. I write these words and am smiling with tears in my eyes and am able to say that this child was not for me. There is another soul out there for me, waiting. And so, I will live, love, be a good wife and mother, teach, write and smile. For I know, that I am merely one of so many women who sadly know the feeling of excitement and then loss in the form of a miscarriage. I thank God that it was merely the fifth week in and not four or five months down the road.
So, don't shed too many tears for me, remember, I am blessed and so are Kevin and Heather. We are a unique family who love each other for who we are, no strings. Kevin and I are equals who rejoice in each other's triumphs and hold each other when we just need to be held. I wish for all of you this kind of love that needs no words.
I know that I am suppose to be "bed bound," but after I found out I wasn't pregnant anymore, I knew that I needed to focus on Heather, my first true miracle. We bought some silly string and had a wonderful silly string fight in the front yard when Daddy Kevin got home. (And don't worry, the rest of the time I have been in bed, my doctor said to stay in bed until Friday). I just needed to laugh with my daughter and husband and feel the outside crisp cool air. I needed to feel the warmth of our love found in those fun spirals of colored string and smile once again. So, I will survive. I will listen to my doctor and I will write and remember all of the voices of the many women who have not been heard in the many pregnancy and new mother books that are out there. The voices of the women who have felt loss, have cried and lost a shred of their souls, and in many instances, lost again. For you I will write and smile and laugh and wish us all a happy world filled with love, laughter, smiles galore and babies, adorable and healthy babies.