So much to say, so little time

     It amazes me how quickly time passes and how sometimes, it feels like forever. Time is so weird and I am constantly amazed that Heather is seven. This summer has been a whirlwind filled with traveling to Kentucky and Pennsylvania along with camps for Heather and Antioch Writer's Workshop for me. It has been fun and hard in some ways, but overall, a good summer.
     I go through this thing where I think about my disease and how much I truly hate giving myself shots. I find myself trying to rationalize not giving myself the shots, but know that they help me through any stresses. I just know that after every shot, I am tired and have overall fatigue versus right before the shot where I feel energy for once and then have to go through the fatigue all over again. I know that this is just a way of life I have to deal with, but feeling like a pin cushion gets old and the red hard splotches on me look horrible and remind me that I have a disease. I have no answer for my feelings except to say, it is what it is....
     Between disease and the heat, I cannot wait until it cools off outside. Sometimes I feel like a shut in who is running from the car to the house or the house to the car. It is frustrating, but I deal. I know that it could be worse, but I am truly looking forward to fall, soon it will be here. My favorite time of the year has always been fall and also, it is the hardest time in reflecting on my previous husband passing in October 2007. But, I just think every time October comes my way that we are fine and well and that every single October, while Linn was alive, our neighbors thought the house was condemned due to his working on his Halloween displays starting October 1st. We would have boards over the windows and caution tape throughout the yard, he wouldn't rake the leaves for extra effect and built various monstrosities on the lawn. It was fun and he was like a small child come October wanting to make more displays for our yard. Good times.
     Fall is still my favorite time of year filled with leaves that change their color and the reality of what I have been through, the smell of the cool air and the beauty of the trees holding onto their leaves...I look forward to seeing my breath in the cool mornings to come.

Virginia Woolf had it right---A Room of My Own

     Well, today we changed the guest room into Heather's schoolroom ala my writing and reading room. It is truly delightful! I love the look of it and it feels very creative and fun. I am sitting here surrounded by beautiful artwork, some mine, other pieces are Heather's, and some by professional artists. It is delightful and I can't help but smile. I purchased a lovely antique desk, perfect for writing my literary novels to be....it is quite lovely and exudes the passing of time. What a treat. I pride myself on trying to only by recycled things and preferably, things with stories. I love that I have changed my house around to truly reflect me as well as my husband and it does feel like home every time I walk through the door. Thanks to my various connections in the reselling of furniture and Kevin being an auctioneer, I now look around my house and can smile at the fact that I didn't buy anything new that created more landfill items. I did my part and in doing so, I found a desk. Not just a desk, I found THE desk. How to explain....hmmm...well, you know how you create the image of something in your mind of how something should look and if you ever found that item, it was suppose to be yours? That's how I felt about this desk the first time I saw it. I could tell that it could be part of something big within me and thus, it is my desk now. Along with getting a desk, I rearranged items in my house so that they felt new again and they do, they really do. It was exciting to come home tonight after fun with Heather and Kevin and see our home---different, but the same. In a world where people build addition after addition, I am happy with the space I have. I love that it is "just right." This not-so-Goldilocks loves this house and I will own it forever. It suites me and it suites my family. I am blessed.
     Virginia Woolf always said that we should all have a room of our own and believe me, I couldn't agree more. Hope you all have a great evening and sweet dreams.

I feel a great sense of FREEDOM!

     I went into Verizon today and waited up to 45 minutes to be waited on and then, I turned in my phone. It was liberating! No more will I have to deal with upgrades and hidden costs! No more, "well, don't you want Internet access?" or stupid questions about apps. I am FREE!
     It is nice, I must say, to be without a cellphone. I know that I have just heard way to much about how they could be a part of possibly causing cancer, though I realize that everything seems to cause cancer these days. I do know people that have had cancer in the same region that they always held their cellphones, but I am not a doctor...so, I will just do my part in trying to be preventing further techno trauma...hehehe...I like that, "Hi, my names Jen and I am a woman recovering from techno trauma." Sounds like something we might have faced in the eighties with techno music.
     Now, all I have to do this afternoon is be a good mom, enjoy time with Heather and try to come up with a chimney sweep outfit for her Dancekidz production on Friday. Yes, they are doing songs and dances from MARY POPPINS and Heather is loving it! So, with me luck and don't forget, "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!"

It is early and I am at peace

     It is the wee hours of the morning and I am awake. It seems that, knowing full well that I should or could be sleeping, my body says, "nope! Let's get up!" It always amazes me how this seems to be a daily happening and I thought that I better be good and do what I am suppose to do and that is write. As you probably noticed, I am getting rid of my cellphone and can't wait to hand it over to Verizon today and say, "see ya!" due to the amount of time spent on the phone with them trying to figure out why I can't get proper service where ever I am. In my house, I have had to lean up against a window to get reception or, I have had to walk outside, which is not good when it is super hot for this lady with MS. So, land line is the way of my world now and I am at peace. Also, for all of those people who are attached to their cellphones like they were their life force...take a day without the cell, see if you can survive...who knows? It might be good for you? People have asked me, "what will you do if you get in an accident or you break down on the side of the road?" My answer is---ON STAR. Just resigned up yesterday and it only costs me $12.99 a month compared to an astronomical amount for phone service that is inadequate. And, amazingly, before cellphones, we survived.
     I might be going backwards, but I don't think that we need to be tethered to technology. I have a problem with the sound of a phone interrupting time with my husband or daughter. We might be mid conversation and the phone rings while we are out doing something fun. Now, I do need to get use to the sound of a phone at home and am not too excited about that, but I will get use to it. Also, I can always ignore it if Heather and I are reading together, learning or spending quality time. She is getting older so fast and I refuse to have technology come between us.
     As for my feeling about other technology, obviously, I like computers as I am blogging on one right now, but I do not like the idea of KINDLES, IPADS and other devices that you can read books off of. I can understand their convenience, but this book lover has to have the tangible book in my hands wherever I go. People tell me, "you can actually turn the page on the computer and it is like a real book!" To this, I say, "buy a real book!" or better yet, frequent your local library. Now, in cases where you have audio books read to you, that is great, especially for my Granny who needs it read to her due to her Macular degeneration. But, do we really need more technology that takes the place of the earthy feel of the tangible book? I don't think so.
     This week, I reorganized my guest room and started setting it up to be my writing and reading room. Heather will also share this room as it will be her schoolroom. We are both so excited to have this room as our own and Heather understands the value of quiet and a space to read and learn. In the process, I put out all of my Harvard classics that where my Grandpop's first purchase after he married my Granny. It was so nice to see all of these beautiful books laid out for all to see and it help to remind me of the importance of the written word.
    My next endeavor is to read the classics along with Pulitzer Prize and Nobel Prize winners in literature. This is a life long goal and will help me have a better understanding of history as well as become a better writer. I look forward to the challenge and am happy that Heather will see me continuing my education and realize that you are always learning.
     So, to sum up, think about your cellphone, your KINDLE, your IPAD. Think about the fact that maybe you are alittle too attached to it or them. Step away from it for a day, maybe two. Try having a day or a week without any television. Go outside or spend some time with a good book in a hammock. Have a tickle fight with your children or play tag. Life is too short if you are always plugged in.

Ode to my Cellphone

Alas, poor pitiful thing,
more often than not,
you would not ring.
I would lose calls
and had not moved.
At no point did it seem
that this had improved.
So now, I throw you
into the proverbial air
with reckless abandonment,
Because, "I don't care!"
In a land of leash technology,
no more I live,
For I truly do have
too much to give,
so Verizon, I bid you,
goodbye one and all,
Because mom always said,
if you can't say somethin' nice,
don't say nothin' at all.

I am exhausted, but happy as can be

     Well, ever since Saturday, I have been at the Antioch Writer's Workshop and having a good time with fellow writers, published and unpublished. It has truly been a good week and tomorrow is the last day. Between time with Crystal Wilkinson to Sigrid Nunez, along with fun with my friends, John and Nancy, I am pleased to say that I learned a great deal about my writing and about myself.
     I am a writer and I have always been a writer. I use humor to cover up tough topics, a typical mechanism for many people. But, the biggest thing I learned is that I do need to write the books about the tough topics, just that I can approach these tough topics through third person. SO, this writer is going to continue to practice her craft and practice and practice and practice. They say that the first million words is just practice, so, I just want to apologize to all the trees that I have killed, I will do my best to leave behind a legacy of good writing.

Heather and the Computer

So, a most amazing thing has transpired this summer! As I was taught by my mother and father, you learn to treasure things more if you must work for them. Well, this is the case with my dear Heather. She has been working since the beginning of June to raise money for a laptop to use for her home schooling. Kevin and I put up a chart and wrote out the overall rules, which were as follows: for every book she read that was around fifty pages, she got a sticker on her chart. Each sticker was worth $1 towards her computer. For every 50 pages she completes in her various summer workbooks, she receives $25 towards her computer and her weekly allowance is $5 if received in hand or $10 in the bank if it goes towards the computer. After she reaches her goal of $250.00, her Kevin Daddy and I will match that $250.00 and purchase a reasonable computer of her choice.
So, what is so amazing about this is that, by her own saving of money, she is only $39 away from her goal! She worked for Kevin several times so far this summer and he said that she was an awesome and driven worker.
So, I truly can say that I owe my parents so much for instilling my work ethic in me that I may now pass down this same work ethic to my daughter and I couldn't be prouder! The best part of this whole experience is that Heather is telling me how much she has and rattling off quickly what she needs to do and how many weeks it will take her to raise the money. She is my little mathematician who wants to be a scientist! So, watch out world! Here comes Heather!

In the land of Cobwebs, I Return!

Hello to all of my wonderful readers! I have been neglectful of my blog, but have been spending time writing privately, so sorry I wasn't sharing. I suppose you might want to give me a bad report card, "does not share well with others." It has been a bumpy roller coaster of this thing I call "life of Jen" and I am so happy to say that I now smile every day. I am retiring from teaching and am merely waiting for the paperwork to go through. The reason for my retiring is due to my MS and the fact that I get very fatigued, sometimes walk with a cane and overall have no life left in me, after teaching 150 students, to share of myself with my family. After nine wonderful years of teaching along with years of being a preschool teacher, youth theatre director and assistant youth theatre directors and teaching students at various schools in the summers, I am ready to teach the most important child---my daughter, Heather. I will be home schooling Heather this fall and look forward to what truly starts every summer in the form of "Camp De Mommy." Between this, spending time with my husband and writing, writing, writing, I am very happy with my choice.
I am happy to say that I am, once again, attending the Antioch Writer's Workshop this week and am so amazed by how wonderful it makes me feel. The experience is truly immeasurable and the time spent with writers is worth so much more than anything else I can imagine. I am blessed to have an understanding husband who allows me to follow my dreams and supports me and my writing in every way. Heather also loves the fact that mommy is a writer!
Tomorrow I embark on the journey of pitching my work to an agent and, once again, I am so excited. The difference between last year and this year is that---I have a book---in hand. No lofty ideas that need to fill a page in the future. I have a project worthy of print. For me, the goal is merely to be consistent, to write daily and to be true to my craft. I wish for no fame, but will do whatever I can to have my voice heard by many. So, I will write and write and please, write me and get on my case. As my friend, as my reader, question me, pester me and ask those lovely words, "So, how's the writing?" I will answer you and I will blog again---often....for nothing stands in my way now.

Another day and more acupuncture

Well, what can I say, today was rough and I am exhausted. The one saving grace of the day was my acupuncturist, Glynda, who made me feel myself again. She truly is a Godsend. So, tired, tired, tired, but spring break is soon to come my way. Between that and Heather being so excited to go to Clinton Massie, I am so happy. I am happy to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That combined with attending Antioch Writer's Workshop for the second year in a row in July truly give me things to look forward to. I love writing and I love being surrounded by like minded writers, It is such a blessing. Well, I will keep this short as it is time to play with my daughter before she has to go to bed. Take care and I will meet you again in the land of the blogs.

So, I have been a neglectful blogger---time to repent:)

It has been a trying school year and I decided to get back in the land of blogging, thus, my voice is once again in "blog form" and can be heard by all of those who know and love me. A great deal has gone on this school year, from a miscarriage to most likely having the swine flu to a debilitating amount of fatigue that won't relinquish its nasty hold on me. A life filled with being tired and medicines that made me itch to trying out acupuncture and feeling a sense of self once more. I am happy in my skin, fatigued, but happy. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life that is just around the corner.
Heather is turning seven on March fourth and I am truly amazed by her. I love everything about her and am so happy to call myself her mother. She is so well behaved and so kind along with being old for her age. I love that she and I are so close and hope to keep that closeness forever if at all possible. The exciting news for Heather is that she is going to attend Clinton Massie School district starting on Monday as this will help me and she will be with all of her friends in the neighborhood and be able to actually sleep in. Kevin will be in charge of getting her on and off the bus and I will be able to go to school without rushing Heather to school and trying not to be late.
So much in my life is happening and sometimes it feels like the world is having fun all around me but I am too tired. Just in case you didn't know, I am actually going to be retiring at the end of the school year under disability. I am very happy with my decision and know that I will finally be able to give of myself to my daughter and husband. I feel that they have truly missed out of the "true me" that only my students get to see. After much thought and realizing that I was too tired to teach and be a good mom, I am proud to say that I will be a stay at home mom, a good wife who helps her husband with his business and a writer. I am going to focus on my family and, if I am lucky, adopt a child. Kevin and I have talked to my doctors and all of them agree that the best thing for me is not to get pregnant due to the possible complications with my MS. But, as a woman who has MS, adoption is feasible. So, with a few prayers and saving my hard earned dollars, Kevin and I hope to adopt sometime in the next few years. People, mainly family, have looked at me and asked me if I truly think I am capable of taking care of another child and my answer is, "yes." I have way too much love in me and am totally capable of being an amazing mother. I have already proved that with Heather. She has turned into such a wonderful young lady.
So, for now, love to all of you and I will get back in gear, but mostly, I am tired and looking forward to summer. My doctors keep telling me that if I need to, just take a day off due to fatigue and even take off a week if I need to. As most of you know, I am a teacher and teachers can't just take a week off due to the children needing consistency. So, thank you for reading and hugs all around. Thank you for sharing in my world.

Idaho, snow and Wyoming to boot!

Hello all family, friends and readers! I am alive and kicking in the land of Idaho! It is snowing buckets right now and we are having loads of fun. We have been here since late on the 22nd and have had a really great time getting to know Kevin's brother, sister-in-law and his niece and nephew, now my niece and nephew. They are so wonderful and we have had fun playing video games, watching movies and going to Wyoming yesterday! During the drive, I saw gorgeous mountains galore and it was so awesome a sight. At one point, I found myself looking up at these mountains and what came to mind was these mountains compared to the concrete jungle of New York City, the high heights of the skyscrapers, made by man, versus these monstrous landscapes sculpted by nature. It was breathtaking and humbling to say the least. We drove to Jackson, Wyoming and traveled in a wagon out to view a huge herd of elk on their elk preserve. The driver of the wagon told us of the elks migration patterns, of how you could tell the age of the elks and the various habits of the males versus the females. It was an amazing sight that I was very thankful to be a part of. Heather sat with a hat covering all of her face, all I could see of her was her eyes. Kevin, Robbie, Orion, Juliana and I were covered with our winter wear, but braving the elements and now, have windburned rosy cheeks. My own personal kiss from nature! I am happily sitting here and watching as the snow falls down and adorns this place called Idaho Falls. It is lovely. The kids are going to go sledding soon and will have more stories to remember their time together. Fun in the snow and New Years is almost here! Maybe Kevin will finally get his cup of hot chocolate that he has been waiting two years for. Yes, New Years is Kevin and my two year anniversary. The day we decided to officially start dating. So, I will enjoy the rest of this snowy trip with my wonderful daughter and husband and feel blessed in knowing that my family gets bigger each time I visit a new family member. It is wonderful. We are looking forward to Orion and/or Juliana visiting us in Ohio in the summer sometime. Life is truly good. Happy Holidays to all!

My book is finished!

Hello one and all! My book is finished! I finished writing it last night and was just amazed at how easy it was! I had closure, I had everything work and my characters were clicking and all was working. It is an amazing feeling to write and just type and words adorn the page and they are actually good!
I have been a writer all of my life, so far, and to actually be able to say, "I wrote a book" is an astounding feeling and it is just so fulfilling. I am at peace with the idea that I have always meant to be a writer. My mom said that before I was able to write, I drew pictures to tell the stories and I have always loved collecting stories since childhood. So, what is even more exciting that all of this is that I beat my deadline of January second and have time to edit properly, write my query letter and then, e-mail my potential agent. No matter what, I can say that I have now joined the ranks of so many and have actually written a book. Of course, what is even more exciting is that there are many people out there that already want to read it! So, to all of my friends and family and blog followers I say, soon, my friends. Soon. For now, I will edit and prepare for the next book. For this is merely the beginning to my journey as Jennifer Martin---the writer.

Life's Interwoven Tapestry

*Written for my Granny---the keeper of memories

Small soft sensations,
felt through vibrations of sound,
reverberations of words
tantalizing the tongue,
dripping forth to tell of memories past.
Snippets of self,
preserved in pictures,
snaps of yesteryear,
framed faces of family
telling so much in a smile.

"Click, click" go the needles,
knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.
Beauty emerges in interwoven wool.
A smile with dentured teeth,
gleans the knowledge of years,
times of toil and pain.
Knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.
More photos turned through,
decades pass between pages,
faded photos, familiar faces.

The keeper of memories,
losing her mental camera.
No longer sharp are the images,
in her mind's eye.
Fuzzy and smudged are the edges
of her internal photographs.
Time is stealing her sight.
So many memories becoming dimmer,
Sadness found in blurry
Glaucoma covered eyes.

Eyes that were once
as sharp as her mind,
now, covered and closing in her world.
Tears adorn the corners of her creased face
and arthritis stifles her fingers
forever dancing through each stitch.
The slow interwoven wool forms
into her creation,
becoming her life's tapestry
with each stitch.
"Click, click" go the needles,
knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.

Hello from the land of writing!

So, why haven't I been blogging, you ask? Well, because I have been writing my book and I have 50,698 words and 152 pages! Yay! What is wonderful about my book is that it is really quite good. I put my writer's hat on and write and then I put on my editor's/English teacher's hat and edit. It is a totally wonderful arrangement. Though I cannot possibly find all of the errors, I am doing a pretty good job of finding many of the errors. So, for now, I write, I love, I live and I laugh. Heather is as wonderful as can be and loving first grade. Kevin is filled with smiles and life is good. My MS is heightened, but better whenever I have a few days off. So, I am looking for to Thanksgiving and family to boot. All for now, just wish me luck in my writing and be prepared to see my name on the shelves of Barnes & Noble someday!

Nothing like a relaxing weekend

Well, after relaxing with friends and family this weekend, I have come to the conclusion that my MS acts up whenever I am just too exhausted, temperature changes and whenever I am stressed. Down time helps me tremendously and Heather says that, "It helps her when she rests." So, I am going to try and take it easy and countdown the days to Thanksgiving and fun in Kentucky. We are going to Idaho for Christmas this year and we are going to have lots of fun with Kevin's family, which is our family now. So, for now, I write, I rest and teach. But most of all, I am a happy mom who has had a great weekend with Heather! We went to see "A Christmas Carol" in 3D! It was awesome! Between that and Chinese food ala bookstore with Aunt Kellee, Uncle Ron, Gabe and Aidin, who could ask for anything more. They were so much fun. So, as for the book. I am done with 127 pages and counting! So, off to bed for now, but all is well.